Permission slips
This is Sammy. I stayed with him for five weeks before arriving in Europe 10 days ago.
Sammy is 14.
Sammy loves to play, and will cry to let you know he wants you to stop what you’re doing, get that string (forget about fancy toys), and play.
When he’s not playing, Sammy sleeps, usually in my lap or between/on my legs at night.
Sammy is vocal and has varied meows that communicate so much without words.
It took a couple of days for Sammy to come around to having a stranger in his home, and once he decided I was a safe being, we were best friends.
Sammy gave me permission to want to be cuddled, to play hard and rest hard, to be suspicious at first and follow my timing, to connect to my voice, to be unabashedly me.
Every animal I hang out with while their regular person(s) are away touches and teaches me.
We’re told not to pick favorites/have bias, and yet, questions such as, “What is your favorite color/song/place to visit?” abound in our conversations. Of course, we have preferences. That’s normal, and it’s also normal that those preferences will change.
Consistency is twisted to work against our human nature to play, learn, and shift. Yes, consistency of habits is essential. We are creatures of habit. And, I have learned that the habit of being able to “break” a habit, to either come back to it, or to find it no longer serves me, is a powerful tool I have.
I invite you to play with a habit you have that feels less than totally automatic. For me, it’s cold showers.
Thanks to some great peer coaching in January, I started waking up and taking a three-minute cold shower before looking at my phone. After a couple of weeks, I decided to purposely “break” my habit as a way of seeing if it was something I wanted to continue as well as teaching myself that missing a day isn’t something I do by screwing up. It took a couple of days for me to be willing to break my streak.
And, when I finally did it, it felt weird and showed me how much I liked my new habit.
Atomic Habits is a great book about habit making and breaking, and it recommends never skipping more than a day. That way, at least you’re doing the habit at least 50% of the time, versus getting discouraged that you missed a couple of days and lapsing completely.
I’ll be honest, I did have a few months of not doing cold showers and rising from bed without looking at social media…and all it took to get me back into the habit was a mention of it in a coaching session I offered someone. It put the idea back on my radar, and without much effort, I started again!
My mind tends to meander about ideas, so here’s a little summary of this stream of ideas, love, tips, experiences:
Take a look around to find who offers you permission to be who you really are. This time, for me, it was Sammy. We offer and receive permission all the time. Trusting ourselves to know what we WANT permission for and to GIVE permission for is key.
It’s okay to have favorites and to change your favorite whenever you want in a way that serves you and others. Sammy was my favorite when I was with him, and now Lucky is my favorite because I’m spending time with him here in Amsterdam!
Try breaking a habit on purpose and getting back to it to show your mind that you can stop and start, and over and over again…every other day is way better than stopping because you feel shame about missing a few days.
Language is powerful; ideas are powerful. Just by hearing about my cold shower habit, I got back to it, without efforting. I invite you to just bring up something you love, someone you love, a place you love, in conversation with yourself or others, and see what transpires!
I’d love to hear about your fave animals and habits, and how you relate to them. And anything else you’d like to share.
I adoughre you.
Til next time, whether that’s tomorrow, next week, or…
Ariel